The least I expect them to do is at least tell me…inform me…but no..they wouldn’t. As if I don’t exist. At least they could tell me how I should spell my name…will it be R-I-Y-A? R-I-A? R-E-A-H? or R-H-E-A?

We have more than 100 guests, who have between them lifted me off my cradle 78 times. I am losing calories quick and fast…at this rate I will become a super model soon.

I have been dressed up in a blue and white frock. What color sense? And mom, if you ever going to read this…I was being sarcastic.

Guess what…my family from Madurai (in Tamil Nadu) are also here. Way too many relatives, I must be having. The four visitors from Madurai are: my uncle called Murugan, an aunt called Deepa, another aunt called Sumathi and my paternal grand mother called Selvi.

It is sad to note that my paternal grand father passed away before I was born. I came to know because half the oldies who saw me said I could be the re-incarnation of my own paternal grand pa. Interesting story…but I will have to know more of my paternal grand pa to believe it.

I can see sorrow in my maternal grand mothers eyes…probably she is thinking of how happy her husband would have been on this day. But hey, I am back…remember?

Apparently this naming thing is big. I got gold bangles, chains, anklets, waist bands etc. Not to mention some 20-30 clothes….do clothes for babies come that cheap?

I did ask my mother what it means, but she didn’t respond. Pretty snobbish, I would say.

Came to know that my mother and her elder sister Rema (I couldn’t see her in the house) were also born in the same hospital – St Martin De Porres Hospital. Apparently, I have an elder brother called Anupam…he is Rema’s son. Will he also share my house? I wish I get my own private time.

We passed the Girls Government Higher Secondary school on our way to the house and my mother lifted my head to the car window and told me: “Rhea, this is where your mother studied.”

Like I cared. Do I have to study? That’s what matters.

Forgot to tell you…when we reached Kedaram, we were welcomed by Raji aunty and her two daughters – Vidya and Divya. Heard they both are taking professional singing classes and are good singers. Wait till I start singing.

Oops! I spotted a violin (which was used by my mother) and a Veena (which was used by my mother’s sister Rema) in the house. I hope they don’t push me to carnatic music – have had enough of it when I was in my mother’s womb.

They are packing all the stuff and paying off the bills. I overhear my grand father and my mother comparing the costs of a delivery in Chennai and Kannur. Apparently, Chennai would have been very costly.

My grand father seems to be a good man, he suggested to my mother that if she felt so strongly about the costs…maybe she should donate the money she saved to an orphanage.

But remember…my mother is selfish…she again used me as an excuse. She said: “No, papa…with the baby and all we will need all the money we can have now. Maybe, later…we can look at that.”

A “Yeah, right!” escaped my lips but doubt if anybody heard it.

Why does my grand mother stay with us every night? Doesn’t she have a house of her own? We already find this place cramped.

Check out the sweaty me. Don't even have a deo on me...wonder what the visitors will be thinkng of me. Didn't somebody say, Kerala was God's own country? Besides, can somebody explain it to my parents that hoods are no longer fashionable.

Today, I came to know that I am Kerala. Some district called Kannur.

Kerala seems like a very hot place. Apparently, it is summers and summers are supposed to be hot. I know because I overheard my father and mother fighting…father was saying that if he were back in Yahoo office, he would be happy in an air conditioned space. That’s when mother got angry and started saying that he should have thought of the Kerala weather before asking her to marry him. I found my mother very logical in her approach.

While on the weather, let me tell you about my clothes. I have a boring wardrobe – all whites and all of them linen. No shoes…just socks. My parents definitely don’t have taste. Everything around this place is also white…the walls, the bed sheets, the fan, my clothes…I am bored.

“Give me some pink,” I shouted once, but nobody seemed to have heard it.

I have some bad news as well…my father is going back. He can’t stay with us any longer. I will miss my dad, though he didn’t do anything special for me…besides hanging around the room.

There was talk of ‘bringing home the bacon’..what in God’s name is a bacon?